The End is Nigh

A week ago, we got a TA. Yeah --"what the heck is that" is exactly what I was asking myself when the phrase was first thrown out. The first thing that came to mind is the one that teaches lab and discussion sections. But no, it's a Tentative Agreement. Between the bastards on the Board, and ourselves, the saintly faculty.

Reactions from vocal faculty have run the gamut. Some of them seem honestly paranoid, seeing every move as part of a conspiracy. A few of them seem greedy, and if those comments were made public it would certainly lend credence to the Board's assertion that the faculty are greedy and lazy.  The majority see the TA as an okay contract, and see how unlikely it is that we could do any better at this point. 

There is a meeting (going on as I write this) for faculty to vote on ratification. I submitted an absentee ballot because 1) I can not see dragging Emma to yet another late afternoon meeting and 2) I had already made up my mind to vote for ratification. There isn't anything that anyone could say about the proposal that would change my mind.

And the reason for that is not because I think it's a great contract, but rather because I think if we do not ratify this TA we will lose the incredibly great support we've had from the community.  A huge number of people in this community have taken classes at the college, and many people in this community have AA degrees from the college. And even more important, these people have encountered faculty who cared and supported them in their education. When we voted to strike a week ago, the community ended up on our side. Even the local newspaper, which publishes a blog by one of the anti-public-education trustees of the college, published editorials that did not support the Board.

That support brought the Board back to the negotiating table with a proposal our team felt they could TA. If we do not vote to ratify this TA, we will lose that support. We will look greedy, even if in the details we aren't being greedy. Perception is way more important than reality in politics.

One of the most unhappy things to come of all this is how the culture at the college has changed. This college had a rough time a few years after I was hired: a president who had been in place for 30 years was replaced with such an awful president that the whole college rose up to get rid of him. Over the last ten years, the college culture slowly recovered, and the faculty began to trust and work with the administration. In just the last few years, collaborative efforts between faculty and administrators have created a Math Lab and a Writing Lab, both staffed with full-time faculty volunteering their time. That culture of collaboration and volunteering has evaporated over the last six months of negotiations, and based on conversations with other faculty, it won't be coming back any time soon. That's very unfortunate.

I, however, am happy to be moving into a part of the school year where I can go back to anxiety dreams about teaching, rather than anxiety dreams about striking.

Small Machines

We've been subtracting and adding small machines lately.

We are down 1 espresso maker, and up 1 espresso maker. The one we're throwing away cost $200 and lasted less than a year. In reading reviews of various pump-driven espresso makers, I've come to the conclusion that the design just isn't great. You find the same complaints on all the different brands, so if it's an appliance you're going to use several times a day (rather than several times a year), it's not going to hold up. The new one is a completely manual stove-top thing and cost $50. It makes a great espresso, and with milk heated in the microwave, a great latte.

The new stove-top espresso maker:

 We are down 1 very old, and very well used, Krups coffee maker, and up 1 Kuerig single-cup coffee maker along with a filter that allows you to use your own ground coffee. I'm loving the Kuerig, both with my own coffee and some of the medium roast K-cups. And there's much less water waste. I'm kind of amazed that this makes good coffee, but it does.

We are down 1 home theater system, and up 1 home theater system. Rob found the old one many years ago now, on sale for $60. I don't really care that much about whether the sound for movies comes from the little TV speakers or is surround sound, but it's very important to him. A couple of weeks ago the DVD player started making noise --the last few days it sounded like it was trying to take off and fly around the living room. The new system has been temporarily connected so we can watch DVDs, but Rob still has the huge job of threading all the speaker wire through the basement and back up, and then mounting the speakers. He takes this sound stuff very seriously. The new one cost a bit more, but was still under $200. Hopefully it will last as long as the bargain-basement system did.

I don't have a picture of the home theater system. Coffee is much more important to me :-)

Now, we really want to replace our fridge . . .

The Strain of Being Human

Lately, I've been re-visiting 5th and 6th grade. You know how you get the wonderful experience of seeing things like the zoo brand new through your children's eyes? Unfortunately, you get to experience all the awkwardness of adolescence through your child's eyes as well.

I had fun as a kid, and I have fond memories of elementary school. We had two families in the neighborhood with girls my age. We walked to school together, and played on the weekends. Then, in 5th grade, something changed. I have no memory of what it was, but suddenly those girls began to make fun of me, and I began to realize that they didn't really want to spend time with me. I honestly can not remember whether a particular event precipitated this, or if it was just that we became different. I can, though, remember feeling hurt. During this time, I made another friend, who lived a bit farther away from us, but close enough still to walk to. I never felt quite as sure of this friend. I don't know, though, whether that was because of the nature of our friendship, or because of the experience of the demise of the previous friendship. As I vicariously experience the girl-drama of Emma's life, I wish I could remember the details.

Because we live out in the country, Emma doesn't have any "neighborhood" friends. She has had close friendships over the past few years at school, and I have watched as friendships have dissolved and new relationships have formed. Last year was really bad; this year has been a lot better. But this evening we talked about friendships that might again be in flux --a great play date with a friend yesterday, another friend who has been acting grumpy and got mad at her, two friends who may have felt hurt/jealous of the play date, a good friend who purposely chose to partner with a different friend during a field trip today . . . . etc.  These things left Emma feeling vulnerable this evening, and this evening was one of the class social events --"Rec Night". She still wanted to attend, but as we walked from the car to the school, she said "I just hope I find someone to hang out with." Aghhh, my heart breaks to experience this through her.

Personal relationships are probably the hardest thing we do in our lives. And really, it seems to me that life is all about personal relationships. While I'd love to have the energy and body of my teen or 20-year-old self, I wouldn't go back and actually be that age for anything. But it's the difficult experiences that build compassion for others. If life was always easy, if we never needed to question whether people liked us, if we never needed to acknowledge the masks we wear in different social situations, we could never truly empathize with other people. So part of me is glad that Emma has the chance to reflect on her relationships with her peers. But part of me just wants to protect her from ever feeling any kind of hurt or self-doubt.

As I write this, it's almost time to go pick her up. She was going to call if she wanted to come home early, but she hasn't. I guess that means things went fine, the things she worried about with her friends didn't end up being a problem. I'm so glad.

A Throw Pillow

Today I stopped by Pier One on the way home from the college to buy a throw pillow. Our couch is about 10 years old, and the side where Rob usually sits has recently become less than comfortable. There's some hard bar across the arm that's no longer covered by any padding. We needed a pillow so he could still sit there when we munch on popcorn and watch NCIS, or Bones, or Chuck, or whatever.

I'm not much of a shopper, but I've always dreamed of a beautiful, but comfortable, living room. My ideal living room would have hardwood floors, with a light colored couch, and bright throw pillows. Shears for curtains (which we have now --I love shear curtains), and some fun prints on the walls --maybe enlargements of some of Rob's amazing macro flower photos. Lots of light.

Of course, like almost everyone else, I live in the real world. Such a shame. Our living room has absolutely hideous carpet --it's some kind of greeny-blue color, and was here when we moved in. It's just gotten dirtier over the years. We were going to pull it up and live with badly finished wood floors, but when we pulled a corner up, we found plywood. Isn't that sad? I imagined really old wood floors (the house was built in 1845) with those wide boards. But no, just plywood.

Then there is the mantel and some small shelves. I'd like to have tasteful decorations and photos. We do, but in addition to that, we currently have two boxes housing a radiometer and a hand boiler, because Emma wants them on the mantel but doesn't want them to get broken. So they're in their respective boxes, just in case we decide to bat a balloon around the living room.  We have a ceramic moon-reading-a-book candle holder that Emma found at a church jumble sale. And we have a bright pink origami pig --not a small pig made of a single piece of paper, but a five inch tall pig, made of hundreds of intricately folded papers and beady little eyes. Emma made it in Japanese class. It's sitting next to a statue of laughing buddha I gave to Rob for Christmas one year.

I know --I should cherish this time, because all too soon Emma will have grown up, moved out, and I'll be all alone. Part of me can't wait :-)  I'm sure there's also a part of me that will miss her and her decorating touches.

Bumper Stickers

Emma and I saw a bumper sticker on the way to school this morning that really made us laugh. 

LOOK OUT!

I drive just like you!

I love funny bumper stickers. I mean, driving is generally boring, and I'm always on the look out for a good laugh. Of course, I don't actually have any funny ones on my own car.

Another one I enjoyed that I used to see on that same drive, was "Got Brains?"

I've been looking for this one for years, but I still haven't found it:

"Warning! I Break For No Particular Reason."

Stressssed

Last week, Emma had the stomach flu. She finally ate a small meal on Sunday and returned to school Monday. Monday afternoon I ended up in bed with the electric blanket turned on high, even though I did all that laundry to try to avoid getting sick. It's been a rough week --kind of reminds me of being pregnant, actually. Sick to my stomach 24/7 and not enough energy to walk across a room.

Yesterday evening the college Board voted to impose their latest contract terms on us. I couldn't tell whether the sick feeling in my stomach was from the virus, or from the stress.

I know this is going to be a messy few weeks. I don't know, right now, if we'll actually vote to strike. There are 162 faculty members at this college, but only about 60 of them have been vocal enough to get a feel for where they stand. It's possible that the number of faculty who just want this to go away might be higher than the number who feel we're being mistreated.

Last night I dreamed that we'd passed over this episode --in my dream it wasn't clear how the contract had eventually turned out. Instead, I just remember feeling so relieved that at least the stress of the situation was now in the past. Unfortunately, I woke up.

I feel a sudden urge to learn how to meditate.  Just in time, Emma made this zen garden. We need to find a little rake, to replace this doll house shovel, but then we'll be all set.