Still Old, Not Dead

That's a title my mom would appreciate. 

They did lots of tests, and a CT Scan, which she didn't like. After getting her memory in better working order, she took the bottle of blood pressure pills and checked herself out. 

She doesn't have any memory of the time at the hospital where she had no short term memory. But her recent past memory returned, as well as her ability to form new memories. The brain is such a very mysterious organ.

I was glad to hear that she'd gone home, actually, because I know that one can never get a good nights sleep in the hospital. They're great for when you're in crisis, but not so great for recovery.

I called her this afternoon. Her speech is slightly slow and slurred, but only a tiny bit. She repeated herself quite a bit, but heck, she's tired and old --I repeat myself, and I'm only tired and middle-aged.  Rob and I frequently ask each other "Did I already mention this to you?"

The jury is still out on whether her sense of humor has returned to normal.

The doctors think it might have been a small stroke, something her own mother suffered from for several years before she finally passed away in her mid-90s. My grandmother lived on her own till the end, just refusing to let anyone in the house during the times she was confused, and then going back to normal life after that period passed. It worked for her.

Thank you for all your kind thoughts, and I hope my mom is still going as strong as Jenny's in eight years.

Waiting For News

So, my mom went to the ER in the middle of the last night. I found out late this morning through a FB message from my sister. My dad went with her, stayed the rest of the night with her, and then let my in-town brother and sister know. They came to be with her so he could go home and get some rest. 

She went in for heart palpitations, something she had years ago when she had a blood clot in her lung. My mother does not like doctors, hospitals, or medication, so she avoids all three. Getting pneumonia while in the hospital for the blood clot only solidified her distrust of modern medicine. I don't think she's seen a doctor since recovering on her own from the second clot. Turns out her blood pressure was sky high (like 200/300 or thereabouts), so of course they put her on meds.

This morning, after my dad left, she began to have memory problems. I've been texting with my sister, and it appears that she has anterograde amnesia. She can not get information from short term to long term memory. She keeps asking my sister why she's in the hospital, over and over again, and she's lost some of her recent memories --for instance, she doesn't remember that they got a new cat, or that they are in the middle of remodeling the kitchen. I texted my sister about the type of amnesia she has and she texted me back "I told her, but she's forgotten". My mother, one of the most generous women I've ever known, can be pretty acerbic, especially when she doesn't think much of your body of knowledge. My sister tells me that she's being incredibly kind and caring to all the doctors and nurses, and that her sense of humor has changed into one very similar to my sister's. My mother doesn't seem distressed, but my sister sure is.

All I can do is wait. She's 83; things could go either way. I'm quite hopeful that she'll be all right though. She's an incredibly strong, and strong-willed, woman. Waiting is always the hardest part.

Homework

We all have homework in this house. For Rob and I, it's grading and prep. For Emma, it runs the gamut from Dynamath to book summaries, to posters. 

Grading is boring, but I always enjoy prepping. I don't think Rob really enjoys much about teaching these days, but he gets it done, always at the last minute.

And Emma. Homework is such a challenge. It always surprises me how frustrated she can become, and how it is suddenly "impossible" to do what needs to be done before tomorrow! How could her teachers not understand the impossibility of the task?! 

Mind, her school de-emphasizes homework compared to a typical public school, so she doesn't have hours and hours of it every night. I have heard horror stories from parents, and I'm always grateful that her school appreciates that kids should have some down time. After school what she wants most is to go out to her swing or rope and spend some time in her own head. She needs that time before settling in to more school work.

 She has grown a lot this year in terms of responsibility --she no longer needs prompting to check her planner and manage her time, so that homework assigned a week ahead is done a bit at a time over the days available. Spectrum emphasizes choice, and her choices are beginning to reflect the best way to convey information, rather than what's easiest or most familiar.

We are both in the living room this evening, at 9 p.m. Normally she goes up to read at 8:30, before getting ready for bed at 9:15. But she has two posters and twelve buttons to create tonight. She chose to write a book summary as part of one of the posters. She was also supposed to color in the thirteen pictures she drew to illustrate a story she wrote for her pre-school reading buddy. Lots of art tonight, and she won't get it all done, which is okay.

The frustration has passed, and she's focused on completing her tasks in ways that satisfy her. I think we'll get to bed a bit late tonight, and she'll be coloring illustrations tomorrow morning as she eats breakfast. 

There has been a lot of talk recently about funding of colleges and universities in Illinois. Currently, funding depends on how many students are enrolled at midterm. The future of funding may depend on how many students successfully graduate. The problem with this model is that it assumes all students come to us college-ready. Ready to think, ready to learn, ready to succeed. This may be true in some wealthier communities, but it is definitely not true here. If only every student could have the very best education before they came to college.

I don't know how to solve the problem of public education in the U.S. The schools that feed our college are failing, but it's not a problem the teachers can fix by themselves. College teachers can't fix a problem that started in elementary school either. 

I would never recommend that anyone become a teacher these days. Certainly it's not a path I'd recommend to my daughter, even though both my parents were teachers. I pay taxes for local public schools and Emma's tuition. But her fabulous teachers aren't paid a living wage --most of them only survive because their husbands have better-paying jobs (there is only one male teacher, this is his first year, he's unmarried). And without unions, public school teachers wouldn't make a living wage either.

I wonder sometimes, whether we'll get to a point where no one wants to become a teacher anymore. Between the horrible experience in a classroom with 35 students and no resources, and the disrespect from the community, why is it a job anyone would want?

Garlic Mustard Season

This is one of my favorite seasons. It only lasts about a month; you have to pay attention so you don't miss it.

 

It's hard to miss in our house though, since Rob has decided that garlic mustard is his personal Waterloo. And I'm afraid, like Napoleon, it will defeat him. My only hope is that it doesn't defeat him in the "I'm so depressed and stressed that my heart gives out" way.

For those of you who might not know, garlic mustard is an invasive plant that has completely taken over the undergrowth of wooded areas in much of North America. In places (like Britain) where it is native, there are many different species of insects and fungi that make use of the plant, keeping it in check. None of them live in North America.

In the meantime, Emma and I try hard to just nod and agree with his battle plans, rather than attempt any kind of rational argument about how we don't have the resources or energy to keep our three acres of woods clear through hand-pulling, and we should just concentrate on keeping the areas around the house and garden clear. Far too rational, I'm afraid.

A Better Day

Today was a better day. I walked Emma in to school this morning, and one of teachers offered to facilitate the conversation between Emma and J, one of the girls who sent the video. I was grateful for that --I know from a conversation with J's mom just how upset J was yesterday, and I thought it would be better for both kids to have an independent adult with them, rather than only one child's mother. 

I've never heard from the second child's mother. Her child, G, did send Emma an apology via text message. I didn't think that was adequate, and I guess Emma didn't either, because she actually asked the teacher if she could facilitate a conversation between the two of them as well. From what Emma has told us, both conversations seem to have gone all right --brief, a bit awkward (not unexpectedly), but all right. 

I know that Emma will move past this incident faster than I will. I can't even imagine having these kids in our home again, although that is likely to happen. And I'll just have to keep telling myself that they are just kids who made a bad decision. 

But there is part of me that doesn't really understand how even 11 year olds could not realize how hurtful something like this would be. 

I really appreciate being able to share this kind of thing with all of you, and your comments. It helps. Thanks.

LIfe is Not Good

Today was a very bad day. I woke up to my daughter sobbing her heart out after seeing a video texted to her by two of her friends. Being a tween sucks. Being a parent sucks.

After I emailed the video to the parents of these girls, I spoke to one of them on the phone. She was appalled. I'm appalled. I'm incredibly hurt for my daughter. And yet, I know these girls aren't bad girls. They made a bad decision. I don't know why, and I don't know if I'll ever know why.

 A couple of years ago, Emma did something pretty awful. I was devastated, and she had to deal with the consequences, which included losing an important friendship. She certainly learned a lesson, and it has stayed with her. So I've been on the other side of this, and I know how hard it is.

Tomorrow morning I have to take Emma to school. One of the students who sent her this video is in her desk group. Personal relationships are the hardest thing we do in life. I have a feeling that all the kids involved in this will get over it long before I will.

Editing Fail

This post is for Jen and Alison. This is a snapshot I took of a headline in our local rag. (And it truly is a rag --it's written at about an 8th grade reading level.)

I had to comment on the story, and ask. "Baby Crystal's what exactly?" To their credit, they responded and completely changed the headline. Obviously that was easier than dealing with that unnecessary apostrophe and s.

That Peaceful Easy Feeling

It's 9 p.m. I've had the most peaceful afternoon and evening. 

Of course, that comes after a morning of saying goodbye to Emma --she wanting to go, but not wanting to say goodbye. Then I found that I had completely lost track of the schedule of the hybrid class whose lab I taught this morning. Thank goodness the students were more on top of the schedule than I was, and were able to get me back on track. It's hard to be so consumed with Emma's schedule and emotions, while also trying to keep track of my classes.

But I got the kitchen and living room cleaned this afternoon, and I've spent a fair amount of time reading --I'm reading A Game of Thrones, which is the first book in the Fire and Ice trilogy. It's an amazingly gripping story, although there is a lot of death involved. I've been told that it has been translated to the small screen (HBO?), but I'm going to finish the books before looking into that. I have hopes there may be a dragon before the story is done. Have any of you read it?

It would have been nice to share this peaceful evening with Rob, but it's Thursday, and he teaches Tuesday and Thursday nights, so he won't be home until I'm well asleep. But I did have an artichoke as part of my dinner --I love artichokes, and haven't had one in a long time. Very yummy. And a glass of wine, although not with the artichoke, because I don't think the two would go well together.

I could get used to this quiet. And still a morning without having to get up and get anyone to school to go.

Overnights

Emma's class is going on an overnight field trip. They leave tomorrow morning, and will be back at school Friday afternoon. Lots of fun stuff packed in --the museum, an IMAX movie, visit to the planetarium, the zoo, a restaurant called The Safe House, which is totally spy-themed, very cool for her.

Buuuuttttttt . . . .  she needs incredible emotional support to go on an overnight trip. This is a kid who doesn't want to sleep over at other kids houses.  I'm exhausted! I think this is the hardest part of parenting --trying to be emotionally supportive. Tomorrow morning, when I leave her at school, will be hard for her and such a relief for me!

In the meantime, I could SO use a full night's sleep. The other night, I woke up because the bed was rocking like crazy. I don't know if Rob was actually moving, or if I imagined the whole thing (no earthquake was reported) but whatever, I didn't get back to sleep ever. Last night I just had the normal insomnia in the middle of the night. Tonight I imagine Emma will be up several times to tell me how much she's going to miss me. Should be a great night's sleep, huh?

Parenting. Why does anyone do this?!

Ahhhh . . . .

Thursday is done and dusted. I was dead tired at the end of the day, which included a mother-daughter book club meeting in the evening, and I didn't sleep well last night. I keep thinking this cold should be gone, but I was up coughing (and peeing --I drink so much water because of the cough that I have to pee all the time!) several times before Rob came to bed at 2 a.m. At 3, after keeping him up for an hour, I went downstairs to read. I went back up at 4 and slept pretty solidly until 8 a.m. I felt very lucky to be able to sleep in --we don't celebrate Good Friday (is celebrate the right word?), but this is a pretty religious area, so all the schools have Good Friday off.

I managed to get the grocery shopping done before noon --still waiting for a grocery-delivery service out here in the boonies :-)  The local grocery store was bought out a few months ago, and last week they decided to completely rearrange the store --so Emma and I wandered around blindly, doubling back several times --this did not improve the shopping experience.

Then I found a package on the porch which contained some plants I'd forgotten I'd ordered. This is always a pleasant surprise. I managed to get a few of the daylilies planted before my back gave out --because of my bad hip, I can't really crouch down or even sit down on the ground, so I do all my gardening by bending at the waist. Rob and I joke when we work together in the yard that we complement each other --I can bend down with my legs straight and work, while he can crouch down to work. Together we make one whole, working, person.

Emma has a friend over, and I've been cursed by having to listen to a new song she's been introduced to, "Perfect Two" by a young lady who goes by the name Auburn. The lyrics are so very deep, and involve things like being the peanut butter to your jelly. Yes. 

Speaking of music, Rob just introduced me to a live Jackson Browne album (Solo Acoustic, Vol. 1) where some of his stage banter is recorded, and the guy is hilarious. In one of these bits, someone in the audience asks if he remembers a song, and he laughs and says "See, this is how it is now. They don't ask if you can play it, just if you remember it." Ah, yes, growing old graciously.

Saturday night Rob and I will be hiding chocolate Easter eggs around the house, and dribbling a trail of jelly beans from Emma's room, down the stairs, to her basket. I hope everyone has a wonderful, relaxing, weekend!

Another Development Day --Yay!!!!

Another "professional" development day! Oh, YES! I am SO excited! Listen to these break-out session titles:

"So You Didn’t Get the Job Again, Eh?"

Because after holding the same job for 17 years, I have NO idea how to interview!

"PowerPoint Accessibility"

Because after using PowerPoint for my lectures for 8 years, I'm going to finally figure out how to access it!! My students will be delirious!

"Emotional Intelligence"

Because at 49, 15 years into a stable marriage, mother of a stable 11 year old girl, 17 years at the same job without shooting any of my co-workers, I obviously need to learn how to CONTROL MY EMOTIONS!!

"Online Benefits Enrollment"

Because I'm TOO STUPID to learn how to enroll in a new benefits program from a memo!! What would I have DONE without this session?!!

I can NOT WAIT until Thursday!!